


Five Times White Josh Is In Love with Rebecca (and One Time He Isn’t)

by angelica, yumytaffy



Series: Everyone Tells Greg How He Feels About Rebecca [2]
Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, F/M, POV Outsider, Rebecca and Greg told from White Josh's Point of View, Team White Josh, White Josh: Secret Renaissance Man, sorrynotsorry, we lost our minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica/pseuds/angelica, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumytaffy/pseuds/yumytaffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all goes downhill for White Josh the moment he is born. Then he meets Rebecca Bunch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A companion fic to “Five Times Rebecca Isn’t In Love with Greg (and One Time She Is)” because spiraling. We were intrigued by this gentle soul and probably secret renaissance man.

**1.**

It all goes downhill for Josh the moment he is born. He takes his first breath while his mother takes her last.

With a father who blames him for his wife’s death, Josh’s childhood isn’t the most nurturing. He has one solace: movies. Drama, noir, comedy, action, fantasy--he loves them all. He escapes into film to discover new worlds, to spend time with people he'd never meet, to hear stories that are not his own. He realizes what he wants most in life is to be a storyteller, to be in stories like these and live them if only for a short while. What he wants most is to be in Hollywood.

He can already see it: That iconic white sign, the bright lights, the studio lots buzzing with activity, the movie end credits with his name shining proudly in the darkened theater. He wants it so badly. He just needs to wait for it.

School comes easily for him. He hardly studies in his small bedroom, preferring to pay attention to his teachers during classes instead. He works multiple part time jobs and saves every penny he earns. He discovers a natural talent for ice skating during a friend’s birthday party and stumbles into a brief stint as a nationally-ranked skater. The feeling of being on the ice is freeing, but he finds the sport time consuming and too competitive, so he leaves it behind, much to the disappointment of his coaches.

The day he graduates high school, he declines every party invitation. Instead, he goes home and packs. The next morning, he is on a bus. His destination: Los Angeles.

LA is too different. He doesn’t know anyone. He spends too much money on rent for a small house he shares with two other aspiring actors. Getting headshots costs much more than he thought. Finding an agent is impossible.

He goes from audition to audition, and while he waits, he works at a restaurant where they make him sing the birthday song at least five times a day. He never gets a callback for a second audition, though he manages to land a few modeling gigs. The money he makes from them pays for rent for a couple of months. The other months of rent drain his life savings.

Nearly a year after arriving in LA, he is sure of one thing: Hollywood is not working out. He is living off instant noodles and the occasional extra food the chefs from the restaurant sneak to him. His roommates leave passive-aggressive notes on the fridge, demanding the next month’s rent.

He leaves before dawn the day before his one-year anniversary, disappearing into the early morning fog. He can only afford a one-way ticket. When he steps up to the bus ticket counter, the clerk impatiently prompts him for his destination. Two words come out of Josh’s mouth: West Covina.

Exactly a year after he left, he finds himself sleeping on a bench at the West Covina bus station. The city hasn’t changed, even if he has. The people are the same. The buildings are the same. Even the smell from the waste dump just on the edge of town still lingers in the air. He cherishes the familiarity.

Not wanting to return to a cold home and a father who made him feel like an irritation, Josh lives around the bus station that first week. The week after, he tries to crash in his old high school but almost gets picked up by cops. The third week, he is sleeping in an alley behind a restaurant when someone throws a garbage bag on him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you,” the man apologizes, then does a double take. “Josh?”

Josh blocks the sun in his eyes with his hand to look at the man. He reaches back into his memory, practically to another life, for a name. “Greg?”

“Yeah, man. It’s Greg. We used to take advanced geometry together. I was a year ahead of you. What are you doing here?”

“I was…” Josh starts, his voice a little groggy from not using it for weeks. He finally admits, “I was sleeping.”

“Sleeping? Here? Behind this overpriced restaurant with terrible food? Dude, what happened?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I have time. Let's get some food.”

Josh recalls his failed dream over delicious greasy diner food. Greg listens. It feels great to be heard, to be understood, to not be judged. Even when Greg agrees how much West Covina sucks, Josh knows that there is a reason why he is back there. West Covina is home.

Greg brings him leftovers from the overpriced restaurant he hates working at and lets him crash with him at his father’s house while his father is away following some Frank Sinatra impersonator’s cross-country tour. Greg reintroduces him to Josh Chan, with whom he used to be friends back in high school. Seeing a friend in need, Josh Chan opens his home to him.

Josh becomes a member of the lovely Chan family. Even though he’s never prayed in his life, he joins them for church every Sunday. He grocery shops for Mrs. Chan and does accounting for Mr. Chan’s office. He immerses himself in the Filipino culture and even picks up a few words in Tagalog. He loves the Chan family and their traditions so much that one night at a party Greg drags him to, he introduces himself to a girl as White Josh.

“He’s kidding,” Greg insists. “It’s just Josh.”

“No, call me White Josh.”

The girl looks at them both, confused, and leaves.

“What’s wrong with you?” Greg asks.

“I’ve been living with the Chans for a while now. I feel like I am a member of their family, and there are two Joshes under one roof, so from this day forward, I’m White Josh. Also, we kind of look alike.”

Greg shrugs and doesn’t correct him when he introduces himself to other people. Soon after the party, people are calling him White Josh. He never corrects them, never gets offended. He feels proud to be called White Josh. Months ago, he was sleeping outside; now he has a family, a job, and a roof over his head.

Ten months after his return to West Covina, Mr. and Mrs. Chan sit him down in their living room. He is sure they’re going to ask him to leave their house, like they’ve been trying to get Josh out for months. Instead, they suggest he go to community college.

His first day of class is on the anniversary of his return to West Covina. He is immediately in love with learning. He takes a few different classes, gets the numbers of a few girls, gets another job to help pay back the money he got from the Chans. He studies, he flirts, he works. It’s a good life.

Even though he enjoys accounting classes, he finds himself drawn to the literature class he took on a whim. The joy he finds in losing himself in the pages reminds him of his love of movies. His dream shifts, and he dedicates himself to the art of storytelling through prose. Soon, he is able to transfer to a good university an hour’s drive away. He puts his head down, works hard, and is able to graduate in three years. He feels like crying for the first time in years when Mrs. Chan says she is proud of him at his graduation ceremony.

White Josh decides to continue his education and get a master’s degree in comparative literature. His thesis advisor is a beautiful, intelligent divorcee. He loves brainstorming ideas with her but hates it when she reaches out to touch his arm when it is not necessary. He’s been with enough women to know how he is perceived by them, and even though he really likes Tamara, his thesis comes first. He changes advisors and finishes his degree two months after he anticipated.

His father contacts him the day his thesis is published. They haven’t spoken in seven years, but his father is sick and wants to make amends before it’s too late. They meet for lunch, and White Josh pays for it. His dad tells him he is proud of him for the first time in his life. White Josh is glad to hear the words, but it doesn’t resonate as much as when Mrs. Chan said it. His father dies three weeks after. The Chans help him make funeral arrangements.

The day after the funeral, White Josh decides to get his own apartment. It’s a bit lonely living on his own at first, but at least he has his own space for his books and gaming platforms. He comes to enjoy being a bachelor.

The first time White Josh hears Rebecca Bunch’s name, he is standing in the snack aisle in the grocery store. Even under the florescent lights, in sweats, without any makeup, she is beautiful. When Josh asks him to help fix her garbage disposal a few days later, White Josh jumps at the chance.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Rebecca before?” he asks as Josh drives.

“She just moved here,” Josh explains. “We went out during summer camp when we were kids. I didn’t want Valencia to know, so I didn’t say anything. Can you not tell anyone please?”

They park outside those townhouses White Josh has always liked. He knows he wants to live in one of them one day, but he is still paying off his loan from the Chans, and a studio apartment is easy to clean.

In her apartment, White Josh gets to see Rebecca properly for the first time. She has short, curled hair and the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen, though he can’t tell what color they are. She never looks at him, even when he purposefully takes off his shirt, a trick he learned that is guaranteed to make any girl focus on him. Even when he fixes the disposal by removing the chicken shoved down the drain, the most attention she throws her way is to call him “Buffer.” He watches her, eyeing her every move, and she doesn’t notice.

White Josh has been through a lot and knows a lot, but the feeling that blooms in his chest, right in his heart, is something he’s never felt before, something unfamiliar. When he looks at her, it feels like they are the only two people in the world. He feels warm inside.

Rebecca talks to Josh and smiles, and at that moment, White Josh knows. That feeling is love. Things are looking up in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**  
  
It doesn’t take too long to figure out that to see Rebecca, he needs to be where Josh is. White Josh finds himself at the boba stand at the park, sitting at a table on the periphery. Josh is not around yet, but Rebecca is there, sipping her boba and looking around idly. She doesn’t recognize him, and he is grateful.  
  
Today, she has her hair in curls and is wearing a dark red blouse. Under the sunlight, he can say her eyes are green, but he still can’t be sure. When Josh appears, Rebecca seems to light up from the inside. White Josh wonders what he can do to have that smile directed at him. She and Josh sit and talk, drinking boba for about half an hour. White Josh knows that she is a lawyer with a busy schedule, but she is still able to spare time for Josh.  
  
A couple of weeks later, Josh texts him that he is finally applying to the Aloha Tech Center. White Josh is thrilled for his friend. Josh loves Aloha Tech, and White Josh has always been a supporter of following dreams, even after his led him to him living on the streets. Still, he considers his failure in Hollywood as a learning experience, something that led him to better things: to the Chans and getting his grad school degree.  
  
Later that day, Josh tells him how he sought Rebecca’s help with his application and how the essay she wrote on his behalf almost cost him his dream job.  
  
“Dude, you should have known better than letting her do what you needed to do yourself,” White Josh tells him as they have celebratory drinks at Home Base. “And you didn’t even read it before handing it in?”  
  
“Lesson learned.” Josh nods and shows him the application.  
  
White Josh asks if he can borrow the application to read over again. He reads Rebecca’s essay twice at the bar, then three more times at home. The points she made, the issues she raised…they are just perfect. He knows from Josh that Rebecca has a law degree, but she might as well have studied literature. With him, preferably.  
  
A few weeks pass without seeing Rebecca. The fallout between her and Valencia makes it hard for Josh, and in turn White Josh, to hang out with her. That is why when Josh says he is throwing a birthday party for him, White Josh jumps at the opportunity. Most years, he declines his best friend’s offer for a party even though organizing parties is Josh’s specialty. White Josh doesn’t really care about the day, and there are so many more constructive things he can do with his time than witnessing the Chan household living room littered with red plastic cups. However, this year is different. This year, Rebecca will be in attendance.  
  
He offers to help Josh, but Josh says he has everything under control. As White Josh enters the party and sees dozens of his friends and acquaintances mingling with his favorite music playing in the background, it is confirmed that Josh does indeed have everything under control. White Josh bumps fists and accepts birthday wishes, all the while looking for Rebecca. His heart drops at the sight of every brunette that isn't her.  
  
Even though he hates showing off, when Josh insists they do keg stands, he jumps at the chance. He can stand upside down and hold his liquor well. It’s one of his talents. As Beans and Hector hold his legs to keep him steady, he searches the faces in the room. Then he sees her.  
  
He swallows the beer as he lands back on his feet, ignoring the cheers from his friends. He looks to where Rebecca was just a few seconds ago, but she is gone.  
  
He finds her in the next room standing by herself. “Rebecca, thank you so much for coming. This means a lot.” He hugs her hello tightly. She is warm and smells like flowers. She reminds him of a warm spring day and a William Wordsworth poem.  
  
She smiles as he releases her and says brightly, “Hey, Happy Birthday!”  
  
White Josh is so happy that she’s here for his birthday. He’s sure it’s already the best birthday party he’s ever had. He can’t hold it inside anymore, so he blurts out, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I read the application essay you wrote for Josh.”  
  
She shakes her head. “You mean the essay that almost didn’t get him the job for that TV place with all the leis?”  
  
The fact that she thinks she had nothing to do with Josh getting the job only makes him love her more. She has no idea the impact she has on people’s lives.  
  
“He got the job in the end, thanks to you,” he tells her emphatically, “and I totally agree with you about Harper Lee.”  
  
“You do?”  
  
He read _Go Set A Watchman_ twice and her essay ten times, so he knows what he’s talking about. “I think the book was never meant to be published, and Ms. Lee was taken advantage of.” He feels the same old anger rising in his chest again; it’s the same feeling whenever he thinks about the book. “So not cool.”  
  
Rebecca has her eyes wide open, and White Josh finally can confirm that her eyes are indeed green and very pretty. “You can easily see that the book’s incomplete,” he continues. “Publishers just wanted to make money off her. Those assholes.”  
  
She nods. He feels warm inside knowing that she agrees with him.  
  
He can’t contain his anger about the book, so he continues. “Still, I’m mostly annoyed with how Atticus turned out.” When he first read the book at the impressionable age of 12-years-old, Atticus Finch was the father he wished he had. Reading about how he turned out years later was a shock that he is still not over. “He was so dope. Then he became a racist.”  
  
He is about to continue when Greg shows up holding two red cups. White Josh suddenly realizes that he should have offered to get her a drink, but he was just too excited about the prospect of speaking to her.  
  
Greg asks what they were talking about. White Josh spits out, “That new so-called book by Harper Lee.”  
  
“Oh, yeah?”  
  
White Josh nods. “I was so disappointed, man. It’s not cool.”  
  
“So not cool,” Greg echoes, then turns to Rebecca. “White Josh got his MA in comparative literature. Your paper thesis was on…?”  
  
“Postcolonial African literature and its effects on the literature of minorities in the US,” White Josh finishes.  
  
The look on Rebecca’s face is delightful. He wishes he can see that face forever. She responds, “That’s like--wow. I mean, just, wow.”  
  
He wants to tell her more about himself, to ask questions about her interests, to ask her about her dreams and regrets, to watch the sunrise with her, but from the corner of his eye, he sees Josh waving at him, gesturing him to come over.  
  
“Oh, hey, I’m being summoned by my bros over there, but we’ll talk more later, Rebecca. See you, Greg.” He leaves but not before taking the opportunity to give Rebecca another hug.  
  
Reluctantly, he leaves Rebecca with Greg and goes over to Josh, who introduces him to some girls he doesn’t have any interest in. He continues watching Rebecca discreetly. She seems to be having a fun conversation with Greg. His heart drops.  
  
He doesn’t remember ever having this feeling. He wants to be the one making Rebecca laugh. Instead, Greg, one of his closest friends, is by her side, speaking intimately with her. He knows that they went out once, something Greg won’t talk about for some reason. White Josh doesn’t understand. If he got to spend even half an evening with Rebecca, he would tell everyone who would listen.  
  
Instead, White Josh takes shots and tries to look interested in the tall blonde girl standing before him. He is jealous of Greg. Yes, that’s the feeling. He read about it in books and poems. He saw it in other people. Now he is feeling it. He is jealous.  
  
When Rebecca storms away as Greg calls after her, White Josh can’t help but smile.  



	3. Chapter 3

**3.**  
  
If there is one thing White Josh has learned from his time on the streets, it’s that giving back is so important. He remembers the leftovers Greg would bring him. He remembers wearing Josh’s hand-me-downs. That feeling of appreciation and gratitude is one imprinted on his heart.   
  
That’s why even though he loves the Chans and their big family gatherings, he prefers to spend the holidays going to the local homeless shelter and donating his time, money, and care.   
  
On Black Friday when he joins Josh for shopping for discounted clothing to donate to the homeless and toys for the dogs at the shelter, White Josh learns that Rebecca was actually at the Chans’ Thanksgiving dinner. In the years the Chans have opened their home and hearts to him, this is the first time White Josh regrets caring for the helpless.   
  
“She made one of your favorites, dinuguan,” Josh tells him. “It was so good, I thought it was Auntie Gloria’s cooking.”  
  
Josh goes on about how he and Valencia had a fight because she was obviously jealous of Rebecca. White Josh, not liking Valencia himself and loving Rebecca, can easily see why anyone would be jealous.   
  
“Dude, I’m sad I missed it.”   
  
“It’s totally fine, man.” Josh puts a hand on his shoulder as he fills their cart with tech stuff White Josh has no interest in. “I got Valencia to agree to move in with me, all thanks to Rebecca.”   
  
White Josh is really happy for his friend even though he doesn’t like Valencia solely for how she manipulates Josh. He is a good, opinionated adult, but Valencia constantly tries to change him, tries to shape him into the idea she has in her head. Greg and White Josh have tried several times to make Josh see the truth, but Josh hasn’t understood them. Not that White Josh could blame him. He is pretty sure Valencia put a spell on Josh with all that sage and other dried herbs she uses.   
  
When he gets back home with bags filled with clothes for the homeless and toys for rescue dogs, the now familiar ache he gets whenever he thinks about all the chances he has lost so far with Rebecca settles in his chest. He decides to drink that vintage wine he has had for years to help him cope with his emotions, then falls asleep listening to Billie Holiday.  
  
He has no motivation to do anything on Saturday but forces himself to go for a run, then drive to the shelter and pound to drop off his donations. He goes home weary and still heavy-hearted. He takes off his shirt, ignores Hector’s texts and lies on his bed.   
  
Poetry is something he enjoys reading immensely. Give him some Pablo Neruda or Robert Browning, and he can spend days reading their words, feeling them in his soul. Let him reread Shakespeare’s sonnets, soaking in the verses. Let him feel the sorrow of Louise Gluck’s words.   
  
On the other hand, writing poetry is not something he does. He likes writing long sentences to properly explain his thoughts and feelings. He likes prose and writing stories. He even attempted a novel. The draft he wrote on a typewriter is hidden in his closet, underneath his trophies from his figure skating days.   
  
Yet there he is, sitting at his desk on a Saturday night, scribbling words in his Moleskine notebook. He wishes he could draw to capture Rebecca’s beauty, but instead, he lets his words paint a picture.  
  
He imagines a warm spring day, sitting with her at the beach with their rescue dog, a bulldog they named Puppy Josh, playing in the sand. The waves lap at their feet, and seagulls soar overhead, but his world is focused on her.   
  
If he lets himself, he can imagine a little girl with Rebecca’s hair and a little boy with her smile playing with the dog, but he stops himself. It’s too early for such daydreams because he hasn’t actually spoken to her since his birthday, which was the best birthday ever.  
  
Instead, he focuses on his dream of a life with Rebecca, and the words flow. Before he knows it, he has six stanzas ostensibly written about Puppy Josh. In his heart, he knows the poem is an ode to Rebecca. That’s why he likes poetry. He can hide his innermost secrets in the symbolism.  
  
Weeks later, as he watches the look of joy on Rebecca’s face as he reads his poem out loud at a cafe surrounded by friends and strangers, he knows all his missed chances with Rebecca have been worth it to be in this moment with her.   
  



	4. Chapter 4

**4.**  
  
After his failed Hollywood dream, coming back to West Covina was hard. Now as he sits on his couch, kicking some ass in post-apocalyptic Boston with one of his best friends in the world, White Josh knows that there is no place he’d rather be.  
  
It feels like he hasn’t seen Greg in weeks. They hung out almost every day just mere months ago, but now as his friend navigates through adulthood by deciding to go back to business school while still working at the bar, he is busier than ever. White Josh understands. He has been busy with his charity work himself, anyway.  
  
For the past two hours, the only communication between them has been passing the snacks and beer as the sound of Fallout 4 machine guns fills the room. A familiar yet foreign sound makes them both jump.  
  
Bloop  
  
Greg pauses the game to check his text notification.  
  
White Josh inconspicuously glances over at the screen as Greg reads it, then puts the phone back down.  
  
 _February 6 at 4:13 PM_  
 _From: Rebecca_  
 _To: Greg_  
 _What movie do you want to see tonight? You pick, I don’t care which one_  
  
“Aren’t you going to get that?” White Josh tries to ask casually.  
  
“It’s Rebecca. Wait for it.”  
  
 _Bloop_  
  
 _Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop_  
  
Greg shows the screen to him.   
  
_February 6 at 4:14 PM_  
 _From: Rebecca_  
 _To: Greg_  
 _As long as it’s not an action movie_  
 _Or anything with magic_  
 _Or a dark drama_  
 _Or a silly comedy_  
 _Regular comedy is fine but nothing slapstick_  
 _You know what, I’m going to check the listings and get back to you_  
  
Greg types a short response, then puts his phone back down and unpauses the game. “I told you. She’s going to pick a rom com. I’ve learned it’s easier to just let her work it out herself.”  
  
White Josh’s chest tightens a little. What he would give to know Rebecca as well as Greg does. It’s one thing to be familiar with her reading preferences, but to instinctively know the little things like the type of movie she’ll choose or her texting habits, that’s a familiarity level of which he can only dream.  
  
“Sounds like you know Rebecca pretty well,” White Josh says, trying to sound light. He tries to push down the pressure in his chest at the words.  
  
“I guess so,” Greg says distractedly. His eyes are glued to the TV screen as he shoots another attacker. “We’ve hung out enough. She’s not terrible company once you get past her flightiness and the way she occasionally zones out like she’s somewhere else in her head.”  
  
A couple of months ago, they’d had an ice skating outing where White Josh got to show off the skills he learned as a youth. He attempted to teach Rebecca a few tricks, which she declined. Instead, Greg got to spend the evening holding her close, teaching her how to skate. At least they all spent some time together over hot chocolate at a coffee shop, but even then her attention was directed mainly at Greg.  
  
Since then, Rebecca has been more present in their group’s outings. It was tense at first whenever she and Valencia were within 10 feet of each other, but even Valencia’s aggression seems to have lessened.   
  
White Josh noticed the subtle change of Rebecca’s attention shifting from Josh to Greg a few weeks ago. He’s not even certain it’s something Rebecca herself noticed. During her first months in West Covina, she seemed to seek Josh out, to put herself in his line of sight. Josh, being Josh, never noticed. With Greg, however, it seemed like they naturally gravitated towards each other. The lovely smile she used to direct at Josh is nothing compared to the way she looks at Greg now. What White Josh is not sure of is how often Rebecca and Greg spend time together alone if their relationship has shifted that much.  
  
White Josh knows Greg well enough to read between the lines. He has seen his friend with other girls and recognizes that Greg is different with Rebecca. It is time to stop being willingly obtuse about it: Rebecca and Greg have feelings for each other. It’s only a matter of time before they realize they're on the same page.   
  
Greg has done so much for him. As much as it pains him deep in his soul, White Josh can’t help it. He needs to give his friend a hand. He asks, “Are you into her?”  
  
“What? Of course not. She drives me insane half the time.”  
  
“But you spend a lot of time together, enjoy each other’s company, and know a lot about each other?”  
  
He shrugs. “We’re just friends.”  
  
“Listen, I don’t know what happened during your date a few months back. Obviously, it was pretty bad given how afraid you are of being in a relationship with her now.”  
  
“I’m not afr--”  
  
“Come on, dude. I know you. Something happened, and you’re afraid of giving it another shot. Whatever it is, it won’t happen again because I’ve seen the both of you. You’re not the same people you were a few months ago. She’s helping you get into business school. You seem happier now. I’m glad because you deserve it. You deserve more.”  
  
Greg doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he looks at White Josh and nods. “Thanks, man.”  
  
White Josh claps a hand on his shoulder. “Any time.”  
  
More than anything, White Josh wants Rebecca to be happy. If he can help give this to her, his pain will be worth it.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**5.**  
  
Once Greg and Rebecca officially start dating, White Josh forces himself to get used to the idea of them being together permanently. He sees the way they look at each other, hears the way they speak to one another. He knows this is it for them even before the two of them know it.   
  
Slowly, every kiss and display of affection between them become less of a stab to the heart and more of a lingering ache. He wants Rebecca and Greg to be happy. White Josh is the last person who will get in the way of that.  
  
That is why he now stands at the front door to the apartment where he first fell in love with Rebecca. The difference is that it is now Greg’s home as well. In White Josh’s hands is a money tree, a plant to be gifted to them during this, their housewarming party of sorts.  
  
When Greg opens the door, he greets White Josh with a warm hug. “Hey, man, glad you could make it.”  
  
Greg has been smiling a lot lately. If White Josh is honest, it is a little off-putting from the Greg he’s known for years, but he is ecstatic that his friend has finally started to find his way.  
  
Rebecca meets them near the stairs. “Hey, White Josh! You brought us a plant?”  
  
“It’s a money tree,” he says, holding up the pot with the one-foot high mini tree. “It’s a traditional Asian symbol of good luck and fortune.”  
  
“Oh, that’s cool, thanks. You can put it on a windowsill or something? It needs sun, right? I don’t know how plants work.”  
  
“I will take care of it,” Greg assures him, taking the plant from his hands. “Thank you.”  
  
Later, White Josh watches Rebecca and Greg from across the room talking with a girl with red streaks in her hair. They stand close and link hands behind her back like they want to avoid cutesy PDA but also can’t help but be linked. White Josh wonders if he’ll have that with someone someday.  
  
His thoughts are interrupted by a voice beside him. “Serrano and Becks. Who would’ve guessed, right?”   
  
White Josh turns to see Josh. “Hey, dude. Yeah, weird how things work out.”  
  
“Greg’s a lucky guy,” Josh sighs. “He got the girl who also helped him get into business school. They love each other. Now they’re living together! He has it all figured out. Good for them. They’re both awesome.”  
  
“Yeah, they are,” White Josh says a little sadly.  
  
“Rebecca seems chill to live with. Greg probably won’t have to worry about buying the right argan oil conditioner or knowing which kind of apple attracts the ‘good’ ghosts.” Josh pauses, looking slightly pained. “Or to never put your red boxers in with her whites when you’re doing laundry, or to not put her bras in the dryer…”  
  
“Is everything okay between you and Valencia?” White Josh inquires. When Josh just winces in reply, White Josh makes a mental note to sit down and talk to his friend over video games and beer later.   
  
Towards the end of the evening when everyone is properly toasted, everyone, even Greg, dances crazily on the makeshift dance floor in the living room. White Josh finds himself brushing against Rebecca. She looks beautiful, her arms in the air and body moving in time to the beat. For a moment, White Josh pretends that it is just the two of them together, getting lost in the music.  
  
When he leaves at the end of the night, he hugs Rebecca goodbye to thank her for the party, but deep down, he knows he’s also saying goodbye to the dream of her. So much of the literature he loves has taught him that one must let go what one loves. It’s the best thing he can give to the both of his friends.  
  
That night, he allows himself to fall asleep to the memory of her laugh in his ears and the warmth of her body pressed against his one last time.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**+1**  
  
When Greg and Rebecca ask White Josh to officiate their wedding, he is conflicted. He has officiated several weddings before, including other ceremonies that mix Catholic and Jewish wedding traditions, but this one the most personal for him. On one hand, he is honored that they think so highly of him to want him to play such a big part in their union. On the other, it is a special kind of hell to be the one who forever bonds the woman he still loves with one of his best friends, even more so because they are truly the most suited couple he knows.  
  
He is almost at peace with the thought of losing her for good, but there is one last thing he needs to get closure. He needs to tell her how he feels. If there is one thing he has learned from Father Brah nearly dying in a car accident and inadvertently passing along officiating duties to him, it’s that life is too short to live with regrets.   
  
He’s not worried about ruining their wedding. Despite their constant bickering, Greg and Rebecca are so committed to each other that it would take nothing short of one of them being abducted by aliens to stop the marriage from happening. It’s just something he needs to do for himself.  
  
White Josh spends the entire morning mentally practicing what he will say to her. Unfortunately, the only time he’s able to find Rebecca alone is 15 minutes before the ceremony in the bride’s room. When he walks in, she’s standing in front of a mirror in her wedding dress and veil, looking absolutely radiant. His knees weaken at the sight of her.  
  
“Rebecca, you look beautiful,” he breathes.   
  
“Oh, hey...you,” she says, glancing up from fixing her veil in the mirror. “Yeah, it's amazing what a team of professional makeup artists and hairdressers can do.”  
  
He is sure it’s not the hair and makeup. It’s her happiness reflecting in sheer beauty that makes her even more breathtaking. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”  
  
“Sure, what’s up?”   
  
“Rebecca, I know this is the worst timing, and it won’t change anything, but I need to tell you this, just once.” She finally turns around to face him. He takes a deep breath and looks into those eyes that have haunted his dreams for years. “I’ve loved you from the moment we met. Even under fluorescent lighting, even without makeup or a bra, you were and have been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”  
  
She tilts her lovely head in confusion. “I know that I know you. We’ve hung out a few times. Did we meet at one of Bean's parties?”  
  
He’s loved Rebecca long enough to know that this was a possible reaction. Even though she is the smartest person he knows, she has always had something of an oblivious streak. “Greg is one of my best friends. I’m at your apartment at least once a week.”  
  
Rebecca just narrows her eyes.  
  
White Josh sighs. “I’m officiating your wedding.”  
  
“Oh, White Josh! I didn’t recognize you with sleeves. Sorry, what were you saying?”  
  
He clasps her hands in his. “That I’m in love with you. I know you’re marrying Greg, and I want you both to be happy. I just had to tell you.”  
  
“What are you talking about? How are you in love with me? We just met.”  
  
“We met three years ago. I just told you we see each other all the time.”  
  
She laughs and rolls her eyes at herself. “God, sorry. I have this weird mental block where I keep forgetting. Anyway, you are so sweet!”  
  
“Rebecca!” Paula calls from the hallway. “Let’s get this show on the road!”  
  
“I’m being summoned by my Matron of Honor,” Rebecca says happily. “Gotta go get married now, so I’ll see you later.”  
  
“I know,” he says, a little defeated. “I’m marrying you guys.”  
  
Rebecca rushes out and waves over her shoulder. “Cool, bye!”  
  
White Josh watches as the train of her dress disappears around the corner. Memories of the last three years rush through his head. He looks at them from a different perspective now. He feels changed. “Wow,” he sighs. “We are completely not right for each other.”  
  
He’d be surprised, but this kind of huge disappointment pretty much fits the patterns of his life thus far.  
  
“Hey, White Josh?” Rebecca’s bridesmaid Heather comes in. He remembers her from the handful of parties Greg and Rebecca threw. He always found her and her views on psychology intriguing. “Greg is freaking out looking for you. The ceremony starts in 5.”  
  
He gives her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be right there.”  
  
She nods and gives him a once-over. “You look hot in a suit.”  
  
As she leaves, he feels that familiar fluttering rises in his chest. There was a time when he thought he would only feel that for one specific woman, but she is gone now.   
  
Maybe things are looking up.  
  
  
end.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Diaphenia, our wonderful beta and enabler who finally shares our sentiments about White Josh.


End file.
